Saturday, April 21, 2007
SENIOR DAY AT KROGER
Some genius came up with the idea that it would be great to save our senior citizens of this fair state ten per cent on their groceries the first Wednesday in each month.
Those who do not have this entertainment or live with a little ole person who looks forward to this day cannot fathom what it is like to exist on these days.
First of all, the little old people start a list as soon as they get home from the last SENIOR DAY. If you go to the grocery store and pick up said item, you will be rebuffed that that should have waited until they could get their ten percent.
The day arrives and it is the first Wednesday of the month. It is like sloths heading for the ocean as you pull into the parking lot. If you have lived right for the last month you will locate an unoccupied handicap parking space.
If not, I pull to the curb in front of the doors and let my favorite ole person out. She will complain loudly that she can walk from wherever I park but I tell her that I know she could but this would be better. After she gets out, I always hold my ground even if I have a whole parking lot of cars behind me and I watch her go through the doors before I releases the lane and head out to find a place where no one will run into the car and the safest spots are those FAR FAR AWAY but I am aware that Mimi will protest too loudly about "I can walk that far so I take the closest and safest spot available.
I am positive that there will be new dings and if I have truly lived right the last month no one will back into the car in its precarious place.
As I walk toward the store, I look around and feel a surge of youth coursing through my veins. You either have to be too young to care or an Idiot to go grocery shopping on Senior Day.
I am the keeper of the holy list of items to be purchased on Senior Day so Mimi can be found looking at all the fresh vegetables and she might have even picked out a few. When I arrive she will tell me what she has gotten so I can mark it off the list. Also, I need to give my approval of all that has been squirrelled away in the basket. Green salads are a main stay for our home, so we always have to debate over lettuce.
We must move on as we are being overtaken by the motorized grocery carts. Those are the dangers ones, not the ones who can still push a basket. I begin to feel like a rookie Nascar driver or unsuspecting spectator. You have to watch from all angles or else you can be pushed into the wall or just bumped because you happen to be in THEIR LANE.
As we start working our way down each aisle, Mimi starts to panic and she will yell quite loudly for a small person "Kitty get out of the way"OR "MOVE!!!!" or if not so crowded she will politely say "Kitty, they need to get by" By the time we reach the freezer section I feel as if I have been doing jumping jacks for the last ten miles.
This last time I was pondering some items because I have just been diagnosis with Type II so I try to read the labels now. She rolled on to find "coolwhip". As I stood there reading I hear this shrill voice that could be heard to Memphis "Kitty, COME ON". Every gray haired wonder looked my way with an accusation that I had tortured this cute little lady. As calmly as an injured cat, I approached her and told her what I was doing and then in a tiny voice, she was apologetic. I was the one who was yelled at like a wayward two year old but I felt bad that she realized how bad she had been.
She was a broken record there after wanting to go back and get the item that I had been looking for and I told her I would just go to Publix as they had them.
As we unloaded the over stuffed basket at the checkout, she told me to give the cashier the Kroger card. I stated again what I had told her three times when I handed her credit card back from the day before. "Mimi I filled up your car with gas and put the Kroger card along with the credit card and gas receipt in the little folder you gave me." She was in a dither and was wringing her hands as the cashier kept checking the groceries out. I explained to Mimi we could put in her telephone number and she should get senior credit. I put in the number and must have hit a wrong key as the credit did not appear. The cashier is a wonderful lady and we always try to go through her line, so she said to me "Honey did you put in the correct number?" I told her I thought so but let me try again" ALAS MIMI GOT HER TEN PERCENT.
Mimi was happy and that was all that mattered. She will be eighty-eight today and I hope to grow up to be as kind.
I have no idea why little ole people like to GROCERY SHOP. I HATE IT. FIRST YOU HAVE TO GET THE ITEM FROM THE SHELF, PUT IT IN YOUR CART, TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR CART, PUT IT IN YOUR CAR, TAKE IT OUT OF YOUR CAR AND THEN PUT IT AWAY. By the time I have touched those items that much I am just sick of them.
The kitty justice is there is A SPECIAL PLACE IN HELL FOR THE ONES WHO THOUGHT UP SENIOR DAY AT KROGER.